I live in a HDB flat. At my floor, there are 3 other households (1 Chinese and 2 Malay). The main character of my story is one of my Malay neighbors who live directly beside me. They are a family of 3 (young parents and a little daughter). They loves plants and placed around 4-5 pots of plants along the corridor, which is outside my room.Whenever the Malay mother is clearing and sweeping her corridor, she will sweep the rubbish towards my corridor and leave them in the drain. Whenever I water my plants or wash my corridor, the water could not flow into the drain as there is a blockage by the rubbish.
There was once my room was attacked by ants which crawled from the outside. After some investigation, I found out that the ants came from my neighbor’s plants. The ants were so smart that they crawled from the plants, crossed my windows and sneaked into my cupboard. I spent one whole afternoon killing millions of ants. My room was full of pesticide smell.
In HDB, we usually got people who distribute flyers and they leave them at our gate or our door-step. There was one incident where I saw the Malay father actually used his feet to drag a piece of his flyers from his door-step to my corridor. He knew that I have seen his action but he just walked away. I was wondering why can’t he pick it up and throw it into the dustbin.
What do you think I should do?
6 comments:
Hi Jean,
Perhaps, you can try to voice your concern and problem to your neighbors. From the picture shown, it seemed that the positioning of the potted plant is quite obstructive. Hence, you may want to suggest them to shift the plants to the far end of the corridor, away from your window. Hopefully, it would be safer for their little child and you may not have uninvited little guests again. If a mutual understanding cannot be achieved through peaceful negotiation, you can seek help from the HDB. In this way, you can avoid any direct conflicts. I understand that it is hard to mention about the littering and chocking drainage to your neighbor, hope you will get around this problem. Good luck
hey jean,
I agree with Madeline that you can approach your neighbours and talk to them about your unhappiness but in a clam and respectful manner, such that they know that you are not trying to pick on them. Also, avoid having arguments by not using accusative statements starting with "You always..." but more of "I am not comfortable...".
However, if your neighbours turn really ugly unfortunately, there is always the CMC, community mediation center, which solves social disputes that you can turn to.
http://notesapp.internet.gov.sg/__48256E09003B1AF3.nsf/
Hopefully you will be able to solve the problem peacefully.
Hi Jean,
I agree with Madeline and Xin Yu that it will be more advisable to face the problem by approaching your neighbours in a tactful manner, rather than keeping mum about it.
There are many ways of sending the message to your neighbours and it is important that you are assertive and not aggressive to prevent further misunderstandings. I can see that the drain blockage is indeed a pressing issue as it might breed Aedes mosquito which could cause an outbreak of dengue fever. Maybe you can try mentioning this point to garner their understanding.
In addition, I believe it takes two to start an argument. As long as you remain assertive, proving your stand politely and with sincerity, I believe all problems can be solved. Hopefully everything will be settled in peaceful manner.
Hi Jean,
Most of the people in the society today, value convenience. Yet, while handling a task in a certain manner may bring convenience to them, people tend to forget to consider the effects of their very actions on others. This can be well depicted by your neighbors.
In my opinion, I think that they have neglected to spare a thought for your family and are definitely inconsiderate. However, they may not be aware of that as you mentioned that all that your Malay neighbor did was to walk away, not picking the flyer up, even after he was aware of your presence.
For that, I agree with the others that you should initiate to resolve this issue by speaking personally to them. Perhaps, you can let them know how much you would appreciate it, if they would attempt to, for instance position their plants in a neater arrangement or clearing the rubbish after sweeping the corridor. Also, let them know exactly how these issues having been bothering you and your family in a tactful manner. I certainly hope that they will reciprocate by being willing to be more accountable for their actions from then on.
Hi Jean,
It seems clear from your description that your neighbour and your family are not in good terms. As the others have pointed out, perhaps it’s a good idea to initiate a friendly discussion to state each others “boundaries”. For each individual, there would be things that he or she likes and dislikes. To clear any misunderstanding, it is best to approach your neighbour and “trash it out” in an amiable way. If all else fails, there is always the option or last resort to approach a mediator.
It is often a challenge to initiate and maintain a good relation with one’s neighbour. As each individual has their own “boundaries” and distinct personalities, there would bound to be clashes and conflicts. But before approaching your neighbour, maybe should you hold your horses, stand back and think about the things that happened before the ants and flyer incidents? Perhaps there is something which you or your family has done to incur their inconsiderate actions. Perhaps someone in your family has accidentally stepped into their “boundaries”. My point is that a lot of times, myself included, people usually think that why somebody did something bad or inconsiderate is by virtue of their own behaviour and moral upbringing. But most of the times, these actions were triggered by such actions of others; violence begets more violence.
Hi Jean,
I had once heard my friend complaining to me the same thing about her neighbour. She managed to get the situation resolved in the end. My friend invited her neighbor over to her place for a chat. During the conversation with her neighbor, she found out the reasons for their action and at the same time, she expressed her view and concern. The talk was an effective one as both parties finally resolved all the misunderstandings accumulated over the years, which perhaps was the main barrier between them. Now, my friend is in good term with her neighbour and they often have small talks or share food.
In my opinion, it is important to understand the cause of action of your neighbour. Maybe they are unhappy with some issues with your family but did not know how to express verbally, therefore resort to these little actions to show their unhappiness. Perhaps the best way to resolve such situation is to have a good talk with your neighbour.
However, in such conversation, it is important that you are tactful in the way you phrase your sentence. As what Xinyu had mentioned, avoid using accusative statements and try to start a sentence with “I feel..”. This would definitely help to reduce the tension in the conversation.
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